🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮

Small change: use oysters instead of clams for the added aphrodisiac powers.

What happened to all that Spaghetti-Ohs money?

Hmm… Maybe after dinner, take a walk and ask random strangers to do your dishes. 😆

The one who cooks shouldn’t be the one to clean unless, of course, you live alone.

Kid in the 1890’s, adult in the 1990’s? 🤔

I have a whole key ring of these.

I hate knowing that LJS still exists, but doesn’t have a restaurant around me anymore.

The secret cabal is just the elderly. That’s all I ever saw there when I was able to go there lol

My takeaway: Boil life until it’s al dente.

Just stop secreting oils and losing cells from your skin so you can sleep on a bare mattress. 🤷🏻‍♂️

This being the first thing I see waking up this morning:

Put googly eyes on the robot and name it Steve. Tell investors it’s intelligent. Tell them you can have sex with it. You’ll have so much money.

When I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940s, we swam in the Hudson River and it was filled with raw sewage okay? We swam in raw sewage! You know… to cool off! And at that time, the big fear was polio; thousands of kids died from polio every year but you know something? In my neighbourhood, no one ever got polio! No one! Ever! You know why? Cause we swam in raw sewage! It strengthened our immune systems! The polio never had a prayer; we were tempered in raw shit!

Love Carlin, but this bit didn’t exactly age well. lol

Exploding Head Syndrome

I am just relieved that it’s not a syndrome in which your head just decides to randomly explode.

Never eat ass with a power imbalance.

What if that’s what I am into?

Kids never ate ass to know how good it is. After tongue punching a fart box, they’ll change their tune.

I only think it’s lame because instead of being attacked by hundreds of chickens, like Legend of Zelda style, it’s just hundreds of regular ol’ people. 😔

What is the meaning of life?

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

deleted by creator

Unscary children trying to be funny.

Well fuck… Can’t have shit 😩

Though… I haven’t been anywhere, ever, that checked for my vaccines. I have had that little card in my wallet since the first vaccines for COVID were being rolled out and got mine; it’s never left my wallet. Is that just a thing in San Francisco or is it supposed to be the whole state?