It just occurred to me that Vance is probably the only VP in history that would hungrily eye the Cuck Chair.

If you are B+ slide me those digits.

Noodle armed purple skinned Corporate Memphis bride and groom on the wedding invitations.

I kind of want to get married just to have a rug pull of a wedding.

I’d have vows like,

'In you, your name here, I found another living human with better medical coverage than me so I no longer have to break into clinics for my largely recreational prescriptions.

'In you, your name here, I found someone that usually doesn’t cry and call the police when I make sexual advances and understands my mostly harmless but mind bendingly bizarre amorous proclivities.

'In you, your name here, I found someone with habits just as disgusting, if not moreso than mine, so we can keep each other in check while maintaining questionable living conditions and achieving new levels of swamp goblinism that wouldn’t be sustainable alone.

And, most importantly, your name here, I get to split the rent with my best friend, and you can’t just kick me out when the gleam is off the cube.’

Then we’d share long pulls from a vintage 40 oz bottle of malt liquor and sloppily make out for a few minutes before throwing the empty bottle into the crowd.

Once we’d loaded all the wedding gifts and departed the scene in a U haul van with ‘Limo’ spray painted on the side, the wedding party would be shuttled to the outskirts of Branson Missouri with a quirky scavenger hunt styled map that would ultimately lead to an Old Country Buffet that’s been vacant since 2012.

Who says romance is dead.

So much grief could have been avoided if we simply replaced grassy knolls with harmless architecture like book depositories and bell towers.

The sinister panda that has been lurking around the scene of the crime chuckles to itself and capers off.

I was so sad when I found out she was a fake Goth Girl.

Not as bad as when I met Elvira at a signing in the '00s and a middle aged blond woman wearing Mom Jeans and a sweater had taken her place.

Now I’m older and realize that Elvira is very busy and can’t be everywhere at once, so that’s why she hires helpers to fill in for her sometimes.

I heard Hunter Biden had Clinton emails on his laptop.

That’s why the frogs are gay.

No, dummy. The sun IS the moon. It just puts its fire out in the ocean every evening.

I thought I was getting away from misinformed slander like this when I left Reddit.

Aww yeah, baby. Welcome to the Freak Minute, where every lovin’ moment lasts for 61 sexy seconds. Aww yeah.

Caller number one, you’re on the air…

I woke up to, ‘chair cat power spin fun’ in my notebook one morning.

'You are in charge of testing high punches vs every female character while wearing each and every helmet cosmetic. When you are done move on to the same with low punches.

Why yes, we are working this weekend.’

‘They were clearly planning to flee the scene of the crime on an unregistered, potentially deadly, vehicle.’

They need some time to figure out the perfect place to be attacked so billions of dollars can go unaccounted for in the cleanup efforts.

Probably wears lifts like his dad.

I know you meant Heel Spurs, but now I’m imagining Trump taking off his shoes for a nap and a bunch of nasty mushrooms springing forth.

Not seen: behind the cameras a stray dog wanders in through a screen door that’s flapping in the breeze.

Forgive me if I’m totally wrong, but doesn’t having a T intersection in the roundabout kind of defeat the purpose?

People with mobility issues should be kept in mind. Some may say just walk/roll in the street, but drivers are quick to get angry when some thoughtless wheel chair is taking up almost HALF of a lane.

If they even see the wheel chair.

Also, at least in my area, there are these skeezy little gaming parlors that have popped up in every strip mall where the Curves used to be.

Back in my day you had to drive over state lines to legally ruin your life.