If any lactose tolerant person needs to enjoy a similar experience, I recommend drinking a few wheat beers and smoking a cigar. If you add a sufficiently meaty burrito to the mix, you can make your large intestine feel like a bottle of champagne (shaken, not stirred)

Damn it, what did I eat?

Me after cheese

*you’re

Those farts were so hot. Like, they could have melted steel beans

My lactose intolerant!