Amputate one of your balls.

Gypsies, sexual deviants, trade unionists, … just the usual suspects, nothing to be alarmed about.

It’s usually not classified this way, but I consider 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall a New Year’s song. It combines two of the main NYE traditions – alcohol and counting backwards.

I clicked expecting chloroform.

Clay Higgins (R-LA), but I hadn’t heard of him before today so can’t say much about him.

So this is the bill that until last week, the majority didn’t even want to vote on, until the new AZ rep won her special election and makes them? Then it turns out they (almost) all agreed with her anyway? Amazing how things work in Congress.

Can I just point out that the middleman taking a commission adds no value to this transaction. I can give a neighbor a can of beans directly and anonymously through my neighborhood little free pantry.

The law applies to licensed mental health clinicians

Wait, these quacks are licensed? I just assumed they were like homeopaths, chiropractors, crystal healers, etc. operating outside the consumer protection of ‘medicine’.

We all know what the ‘m’ stands for. If m*nkeypox has unmarketable connotations, then m-pox isn’t any improvement.

It’s like when K*ntucky Fried Chicken rebranded as KFC, an initialism that officially stands for nothing. We still all know where it’s from, and are either OK with that or we aren’t.

“Please don’t be offended if I get an erection during this scene.”

“Also, please don’t be offended if I don’t.”

The day I learned this was the last day I made fun of poor people doing various stereotypical things that are considered “bad financial habits” in middle class upbringings. For example, buying lottery tickets with your welfare money is NOT evidence of poor people being bad at math. It’s a rational financial decision in their existing regulatory environment. A lottery winner can fly right over the welfare cliff, while the people saving up for a car repair get punished and pulled back into poverty. Maybe they’ll enjoy a few years of luxury until they squander it all because they never learned that staying off the dole requires different strategies than getting off the dole.

Will this suspect be sentenced to more than 6 months? Place your wager now at JailKings, the official betting partner of the Lake County Lockup. Get a $50 signup bonus with your first deposit. See official terms and conditions. Problem gamblers call 1-800-YOU-LOSE for help.

Or they did, and the lawyer says, “I won’t risk my license putting my name on that horseshit. If this is really how you want to proceed, you’ll have to do it yourself.”

Which translates to, “I consulted with an attorney who suggested I send you this demand letter.”

The first time, it’s an accident. The second time, it’s a tradition.

Apparently ‘Shylock’ and ‘shyster’ are etymologically unrelated. Shylock is a Jewish moneylender from Shakespeare, and not a particularly pleasant fellow. Shyster is from the Germanic word for shit, and also used to describe a disreputable person of any race or religion.