this fact brought to you by the delicious relaxing taste of Daisy Duke Cigarettes.

if you want a nuke, smoke a Daisy Duke!

hurr durr I talk to people that want to be left alone because I can’t stand the silence

“and then the smell hit him. I wish I could tell you he fought the good fight…”

joint problems?

I love teams.

ever since my job has dedicated Teams as the only way to communicate I haven’t been harassed as much by dumb fucks.

either their app is broken, or mine is “broken”. I probably talk to 3-5 people a day vs 20-30 a day via Slack.

🎶I’m lovin it🎶

walk without rhythm…

don’t need more wishes if you don’t use them.

Is this Xi?

the nightmares from the goonsphere are a blight upon existence.

😶

as they should be.

same.

they wouldn’t be fucked forever, but they’d certainly feel the long cold shaft firmly forced up their urethra for at least a good six months.

can we have unlimited money and political power now?

I used to drink 2-3 cans of mtndew every day.

in my late 30s had some health complications and quit it cold-turkey. now I drink around 90 oz of water a day. still feel like shit, but it doesn’t feel like I’m going to die every day.

if you’re younger than 35 and reading this right now, stop abusing youth body. drink water, eat well, light exercise, get plenty of sleep and you can feel the same way you do now for at least another decade or more.

don’t put it off, try tomorrow and the next day until something sticks.

night water from the bathroom tap.

hot summer night with no AC as a kid, I almost drowned myself in the cool water from the bathroom sink.

knowing what I do now, then… I should have done it.

I would but I just came across your resume.

this is why you go in, take it from the shelf, and throw it in the trash.

every👏single👏time👏you👏see👏it

no, this is what no child left behind does for 20 unchallenged years.