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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: April 5th, 2024

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  • My dad used me as an excuse to rebuild the unfinished basement and build out the Lionel train set he’d always wanted.

    Shortly thereafter he decided he could no longer tolerate his wife and moved in with his mistress full time. He built out a room just for me, but I knew Mom would off herself if I abandoned her. Plus I was smoking by then and Dad hit me whenever I smelled like smoke.

    It was a nice train table until a pipe burst and flooded the basement. Don’t buy particle board furniture. It becomes pulp as soon as it gets slightly damp .




  • I knew a girl that made Gazpacho from a hand written recipe that a French exchange student had left us.

    The recipe, amongst other ingredients, said ‘2 Garlic’.

    We took that to mean two heads of garlic, instead of two cloves.

    That was some spicy ass soup. We sweated our way through it because it was painfully delicious.

    No matter how much I showered or brushed my teeth, I radiated garlic for the next couple days and had to explain myself at my barista job.