You know, the guy who’s been having that same angry conversation about the same fucking thing he’s been obsessed with for the last 5 years and demands that you take his view while going on long monologues and then immediately interrupting anyone who tries to get a word in edgewise? And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?
Provide no opinions. Pretend like you know nothing about politics. Ask questions. They will argue themselves into a corner, get embarrassed, and then stop talking about it. It requires little effort from you, and they do all the work.
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You could try bring an overactive listener. Ask a lot of questions “What does that mean?” “Can you give examples?” if you time them right, it’ll completely mess up his for when he’s monologuing.
Or, at the very least, you can have fun trying to see who can ask the stupidest question about Uncle Dave’s obsession.
Even more fun… Ask random unrelated questions until they break…
What was the horsepower of a 1971 horsepower?
Where did the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” come from?
What is the square root of 144?
How many moons does the earth have? (this is fun because it’s anywhere from 0 to 1 to 2 to many depending on the definition of moon of which there is no formal definition)
Bonus tip: works in haunted houses too. A zombie jumps out “I’m going to eat your brains!” just respond with a unrelated question “what is your favorite TV show?” it shifts their thoughts so much most of actors in a haunted house will break character.
Answer to all of those questions: 12.
Or, make it all about you, but only with that person.
“When that happened to ME…”
“That reminds me of the time <totally unrelated thing in your life>….”
“I have a friend who’s an expert in that and HE said….”
[edit] actually, what I do with those people is ask probing questions, things they couldn’t possibly know the answer to. As a last resort, I insert something that I know someone else in the group is interested in, and invite them into the conversation, exiting at the same time or shortly after.
Also, holding a plate or glass and then realizing you have to go refill it and making yourself scarce works.
Set alarms on your phone and pretend it’s phone calls from work, a friend in need, etc. Go hide in there bathroom and take a ten minute break.
Do you have allies in the family? Make a pact to take turns. Get them to lure you away on a pretense. Go help clean the kitchen.
If you can’t wiggle free, give yourself permission to switch off. You don’t have to fight every battle, you don’t need to set everything right. It’s amazing how long you can keep a conversation going if all you do is repeat the last thing they said to you back at them but you raise your tone at the end to turn it into a question. Make plans on how to compensate yourself for enduring this shit. Pat yourself on the back for maintaining peace in the face of adversity.
Nothing bores people more than showing them “a funny video” on YouTube. Or some really boring vacation pictures. Or have a non-controversial topic of your own and stubbornly steer conversation that way. Tell a story with no point. If you’re sitting in something comfy, like an armchair, pretend to fall asleep because you worked so hard. Praise the food and how good it was every time you’re biting your tongue and you really want to say fuck you.
It’s family, it’s the holidays. I’m not saying you should swallow all bullshit. But raise the bar in the interest of family peace. And remember that folks will blame the loudmouths, the ones who raised their voice more than necessary, and not the quiet one for any fracas.
None of these strategies will work by themselves. It’s the mix that does it. It’s better to go into the situation looking at it like a game you play. Not like: fuck! Uncle Bob is going to annoy me again. You have your armor on and uncle Bob can’t do shit.
Be honest before inviting them, that if they behave that way they should stay away. Any suicidal ideation should be discussed with their psychiatrist. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic people.
Slap your knees , say “whelp…” then stand up and walk away.
How to admit you are from the Midwest without directly admitting it…😉
Sounded pretty German to me in terms of behaviour LOL
I don’t talk with that part of ny family. As in, zero contact.
And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?
It’s always easier said than done, but I don’t engage with people who use suicide as a threat or bring it up as a regular thing. It’s too exhausting. Life is just too short to deal with that. Not everybody deserves your nuance. Not everybody deserves your time. Especially if they just want to belittle you by saying they’re suicidal as a defense mechanism.
If they are really manipulative about it post-gettogether, call in a welfare check on them. Maybe they get annoyed at having to convince authorities they are not suicidal. Maybe they get to spend a couple days in a hospital where they get to share their feelings and be challenged on what it is that causes them to feel that way.
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Earplugs, and alcohol from the start.
Fake musculo-skeletal injury - sprained ankle would do - where for rehab you have to get up and walk a few thousand steps in a row 2-3 times a day - gives you an excuse to beep your watch at any time and go out for a walk for medical reasons.
“can we talk about something else? How’s your pet doing btw?”
Some of you lack very basic communication skills.
“Why can’t you talk about real issues? My dog is going to get eaten if Joe Biden becomes president.”
Basic communication crumbles after 4 Bud Lights.
That sounds alike a different problem other than politics ngl
Tbf I wouldn’t be coherent if I had to drink 4 bud lights
you just don’t invite those people. if it’s out of your control, then you don’t engage
Buy your own house, host the events and when they start up threaten loudly to throw them out if they keep on spewing that racist shit in your house.
Damn that felt good. Best thing ever about owning your own home.
Ok boomer
Got really lucky and bought when interest was low. While the house itself wasn’t cheap the money was.
Don’t.
Just removing obligations, and even going no contact does wonders.
Most people have at least some family they’d like to see during holidays.
and if those family want to see them, they’ll stop inviting the ones supporting nazis
Sure, if that works for you. Given OP’s question though, it’s unlikely that’s what they’re looking for and you’re just pushing your own opinion instead of trying to help them.
I used supporting nazis as an example, sub in whatever other bullshit you want
either way, the proposed solution is valid - stop inviting them
I wasn’t referring to the Nazi part, I was referring to the ‘no contact with entire family’ part
yeah, if the rest of the family wants to see them at those events, they can stop inviting the asshole. otherwise, they can see them at other events
it’s not worth your time to be around assholes, which includes people who invite assholes
obviously this is my opinion, but that’s what OP asked for
Tell him loudly that he doesn’t know shit and to shut the fuck up. This is the year you let it all out. You’ve been building a dam of tolerance for this person, a dam which he’s been trying to undermine because he’s too fucking dumb to understand the extreme restraint you have shown against the potential flood right behind those walls.
Let him have it.
