I’m a Spanish person living in the Netherlands for already almost 9 years. In one hand at some point in these last years, I started to feel like I don’t belong in Spain anymore, and on the other hand the, I think I’ll never feel fully integrated in NL. Any thoughts? Advice? Someone feeling the same?
Hello fellow Vagrant, I’m also out of place … Cuban born, raised in Spain for 16 years now living in the US for 20.
I like to think my “homeland” is the internet … it’s the only place people like you and I fit in.
In fact, the FEDIVERSE to be more precise is where I feel I fit the best.
https://media1.tenor.com/m/9JnuxejJaZwAAAAd/starwarsmay4-hans.gif
Como dice Mago de Oz “No eches raizes en un sitio muvete, pues no heres un arbol para eso tienes dos pies”
I’m black. Enough said. LoL. I don’t have a country.
Black American - Dont belong in America. Don’t belong in Africa. Don’t belong in Europe. Don’t belong in the Caribbean. And Asia??? LMAO!
I think only France wants me… and that I don’t get.
Edit: I’m also a black nerd on top of that. So fun times.
You’d be surprised … there are bigots everywhere but I have found multiple people in my travels that find black American culture fascinating. It’s something that the average European has no exposure to so they find it “exotic”
Same story.
My advice is : make friends that you like to be with. Get outside, breath some fresh air and looks around.
Or maybe find another city/country to live in with your lifestyle aligned.
This is interesting because I always feel like I adapt when I move and become a version of myself that does fit in.
I grew up a city boy.
Moved to the country and began wearing outdoor gear and rock climbing until I was indistinguishable from my neighbors.
Moved to a hippy town and started smoking weed in tie dye until I was indistinguishable from my neighbors.
Moved to NYC and started wearing a hat and an overcoat until I was indistinguishable from my neighbors.
And now I’m on the border of Mexico and don’t look anything like my neighbors, but apparently I’ve picked up enough Spanglish that people have still started asking me what region of Mexico my family is from (none).
I’ve retained little elements from each phase of my life and carried them over into the next, but every level also stands out as a distinct hybridized version of myself that I became for a time. In turn, it helped me discover new parts of myself that I would not have found if I hadn’t changed how I was living to fit my environment.
So, if you feel like you don’t fit in, maybe try to adapt to your surroundings so it is a little easier for people to meet you in the middle culturally.
Fantastic advice!
I also tend to be a chameleon in different situations, and I’d like to point out to any naysayers, that even though it may look like these people aren’t being true to “themselves” they really aren’t faking it to fit in. We’re exploring these people’s lifestyles and gaining interest in them. We learn to appreciate these things that our neighbors or coworkers are into and incorporate the things we enjoy into our own personal identity.
I’m an American living in America, and I most certainly don’t belong here anymore - nor do I want to belong to what it has become.
Must be many feeling this way. I know i would if my leaders became sith lords.
I do know people who have had that. One fellow I new was German but loves in the US and still has a German twang in his voice, so in the US he is considered German. But when he goes home to Germany because he has picked up an American accent he is considered American so he doesn’t feel at home in either place.
I was born in Germany, but grew up in Brazil. I moved to Germany when i was 20 and am still living here. I have the same experience and am really sad that i really felt like having lost “my” Brazil the last times i went there, if it makes sense.
I was born Chinese and my family immigrated to the US when I was 8
I post about this topic a lot here, so forgive me for being so repetative for those who might’ve already read this before, this is sort of just my platform for cartharisis…
click if you actually wanna read this wall of text...
I was born during the One Child Policy, I was the second child in my family, the government would catch women who are pregnant with their second child and force abortion on them.
Mom was supposed to have a IUD which would’ve prevented my conception, but she never got it and left her hometown to a city (Guanzhou btw) for work… and because of jurisdictional issues or something like that, she just never went back to her home village for like 5 entire years. Honestly I don’t know if she even remember all the details… I mean it must’ve been traumatic for her. Repressed memories and all that stuff. One time she told me she forged a certificate about the IUD thing. But the other part of this was they would check fertile women for pregnancy every 3 months… I think this was only done for those that already had one child, but not too sure, mom didn’t elaborate much… but she told me she convinced another women to pretend to be her and show up to take the pregnacy test…
So 5 years after my older brother was born, my parents conceived me…
Then my mom told me that at month 7 or 8, someone noticed but turned a blind eye to it so didn’t report it.
So yeah… that’s how I came into this world… allegedly, I mean I obviously cannot witness my own birth, so my parent’s account are the only people that are direct witness to the entire ordeal that I know of… I mean I do have an older brother and I do have memories of China and the One Child Policy is public knowledge… so that’s as much fact checking I could do… I’d just have to go by my mom’s account
After I was born, I wasn’t allowed to be registered into the Hukou, which meanr that I effectively did not legally exist, until my parents paid the massive fine somewhetr between ¥20000 to ¥30000 rmb… (idk if they even remember the exact amount anymore… so long ago…) in around 2002 to 2010s, and it sounded like it was a lot from how my mom described it… they had to save every penny they had… I think they might’ve asked relatives or friends for money, possibly, but not sure… they didn’t really elaborate…
So because of this… I feel rejected by China…
The other thing is… I was born in Guangzhou, and even after the fines thing was settled… the other problem was that my parents were rural… so we were essentially second class residents in Guangzhou, we cannot get a Guangzhou Hukou… me and my older brother are not allowed in Guangzhou public schools, even though my parents worked in Guangzhou… so they had to pay for a separate shitty school that’s, according to mom, worse than public schools…
So I also can’t really call my self a 廣州人 (Guangzhou-er) even though I can speak both Cantonese and Mandarin (sort of… now English has kinda taken over my brain)…
So that’s the China story…
Then the USA…
Okay I don’t need to explain this one much…
American-Born Chinese bullied me for being a weird kid that didn’t speak much English at first… then for non-Asians that I encounter… its racism, not everyone of course, but common enough to have this feeling of “rejection”
I do have US Citizenship… so I should be feeling very “fitting in” here… I can speak English very close to a native speaker…
But then we got a new sheriff in town… a second time… 🤦♂️ (y’all know who…)
So yeah…
Haven’t actually encountered ICE yet… but this is causing a lot of anxiety…
The US is beautiful, but politics is so corrupted… ugh…
Idk if it’s paranoia… but I feel kinda like very hyper vigilant if I’m in a predominantly white neighborhood…
Haven’t seen a lynch mob yet… but the thought of it is kinda scary…
I was born in Guangzhou,
Hey I’m in Guangzhou right now! Even if you went back, it’s probably not the place you remember, though the air is the worst of the 12 chinese cities I’ve been to so far, and its almost 90 degrees and humid so that’s probably the same. (Not as bad as Almaty, Hanoi, or HCMC, but still cooking me alive while destroying my allergies).
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![]Hey, you wanna visit my old neighborhood?
I mean I’m not gonna give the exact address, but you can take a look at 广州大道北 梅花园 麦地西街
The latest Baidu street view I found was in like 2014… so yea idk how it looks now…
My mom and older brother is in China right now… they got their US Passports and the 10 year “visiting relatives” visa and they just left like on sunday (last sunday, that is)
Apparanly my mom is pressuring my older brother to get married… lol (he’s like 28 or 29)…
Mom and her friend network thing got bro and some girl added eacher other on Wechat and I think they’ve been chatting for a while… and now I guess they are about to meet or something… or perhaps if not a good match, then mom’s gonma pressure him to meet with other “marriage candidates”… lol
As for me… I didn’t feel like visiting… Mom asked if I wanna come and I just was like “nah fam”
Also why did she even ask lmfao, this trip is for my older brother to go pursue marriage plans… why the fuck would I tag along? lmfao, that is sooo fucking weird to do… even my older brother was like “wtf, dont let this annoying shit come” (paraphrased)
(I mean I didn’t even have a valid passport lol, I just submitted the application for it yesterday at a post office)
I have a bunch of stuff not backed up and am too internet addicted to chance VPNs not working and then youtube or other stuff blocked… I’d have withdrawl from that lol… too much stress for me…
(And also a bit of the politcs thing, just feel kinda resentful towards the government)
Mom and brother are staying with one of my aunts (aka: her sister) in Taishan…
I asked them to check the internet thing but brother completely ignores me (not really on speaking terms right now) and mom is digitally illiterate to check for what websites work or not… or maybe she just doesn’t care since she’s so obsessed with trying to get my older brother to get into a marriage… cuz mom says if you wait, you will “never find anyone and die alone”… lmfao
So… roaming… T-Mobile charges $0.25 for each minute of calling… but mom got the international pass for like $50 so its now unlimited… so I don’t have to install WeChat and make an account just to talk to her…
So I just randomly call all the time and be like “MOOOMMM” 😅 (I mean if you don’t use the unlimited minutes, its going to waste lol)
So yea, that’s my story, how’s everything going for you?
Here’s that same pic at night.
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this trip is for my older brother to go pursue marriage plans… why the fuck would I tag along?
you’re designated wingman /s
Your neighborhood is 30 minutes away by subway and bicycle, and not in the direction my hotel is in. But it should be somewhere in this picture:
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You can get a hk based esim via alipay for 50 cents a gig, your mom is massively overpaying. Otherwise, most servers on latvpn and vpnify work.
You have to apply for chinese visas at application centers, and it takes multiple days once you hand over the passport for them to add it, and there’s like 3 centers in the US, it was easier to fly family to Hanoi and have them get 60 day instead of 90 day L visas (tokyo is another option) than DC or Chicago. If you ever apply, book cancelable flights, screenshot the proof, immediately cancel, they don’t check. Have AI generate your itinerary.
how’s everything going for you?
Good, still doing the digital nomad thing. Wasn’t expecting to miss Japan so much. It’s kinda lonely not being able to speak the language, but that will change when I meet up with friends in vietnam again. I understand even less vn than mando, but theres more english speakers.
Honestly, if it was practical, you should have done it. Just go find a cheap hotel room or hostel for <10USD/night, and do your own thing, maybe meeting up with family for standard tourist things.
Here’s a dog on an emoped
Edit: instance is too slow to upload.
I can’t say anything about the general culture of Spain or the Netherlands, but I am an American who lived in Japan for a while and I have had similar thoughts.
My advice is to stop worrying about integrating like this. I’m not saying to stop integrating more. You’re a human so that is almost inevitable. It is the worrying that is the problem, not the integrating.
Dude, I clearly don’t fit here in Belgium and I’m born and raised here… I wish I could claim « internet citizenship » since I somehow find more like minded people here.
You are definitely not alone, my friend.
Born in Portugal, but due to some traumatic events and childhood traumas, I don’t like living there. And just don’t fit in with their personality and lifestyle.
I live in the UK for 10 years now and honestly I like it here, and feel much better here than my home country.
Try having some local friends and reflect how you can integrate more. It doesn’t need to be a a big change. Just small changes.
Funny enough, there is a Portuguese singer that sings: “… I am well where I am not …”
I guess it’s the case for me, you and many people.
I live in the east of the Netherlands, but work in the west. I don’t feel at home in the west, because it is much too crowded. I also don’t feel at home in the east, because its much too rural. I mostly feel at home when I’m at home with my family. I feel at home at my workplace. Often times I also feel at home when I’m somewhere with my friends. “Home” is a very strange concept to define.
Well said
7 years in another EU country for me.
My home country has continued to rapidly decline in QoL, so going back isn’t really in the cards. I don’t feel at home there at all, except for no language barrier and just knowing the culture and how to navigate it. But to be honest, I’ve always wanted to emigrate, I just hated the average backwards mentality.
I don’t exactly mind the country I live in, but the language barrier keeps things difficult. I had to learn the language in a short amount of time, but it caused a bad burnout, and all the progress went down the drain. Now between being employed and health and other life things, it looks like I’ll never actually learn the language. And the (family) history (kind of) repeats itself.
Je bent thuiuiuis waar je Douwe Egberts driiiinkt ✌️
(Folgers is where your home is ✌️)
But seriously, yeah, that’s a well known psychological symptom. And I doubt you never heard of it before ;)
I’m dutch and I’ve lived abroad (EU) for most of the last 8 years. I’m now trying to settle down permanently in France. It’s been only 1.5 years but I think I will always be a “dutch person in France”, just because of my accent, name and the fact that some habits here are just not going to become mine comfortably. However, in NL I feel like an outsider sometimes and I started getting comments about my dutch sounding foreign. Being with my family is nice, but with foreign experience, you just see habits and customs in a different way.
That said, it doesn’t really bother me too much. I made the choice myself to emigrate knowing the consequences and being the goofy outsider fits me.
Yup, after I ran away from home I moved around a lot in the UK, then 7 years ago moved to Spain, and I’m now in the middle of 6 months working in Vietnam.
I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I felt like I was in the right place, like I did up to the age of about 10 or so … however, when I visit my brother, I do feel like I’m “home”. Not because of physical location, but because of him.
