I’ve felt like I’m in a simulation quite often. It sounds very cliché and I never thought I’d actually feel it (the idea has always fascinated me but c’mon, really?) up until the last few years.

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Where do you think the idea of “The Fates” comes from? Or any number of other similar deities/forces in nearly every society around the world. That feeling has been with us as humans for a long, long time.

@DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works @nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

I don’t only feel, I know it. Not just me: you, everyone here, all humans, living beings, every cosmic stuff. And there are scientific, psychological, spiritual, philosophical and political explanations.

When it comes to Science, our actions are just a byproduct of causality within a dynamic, closed system, an organism constrained by laws of physics from which the principles of chemical reactions emerge. If we were to stick to a strict, Dawkinsian Science, we’re no different than other dynamic systems across the universe. It’s all physical causality devoid of meaning.

In psychology, if Theory of Mind is to be considered, the mind is also a byproduct of all conditions in which the being existed and exists. I like to cite Derren Brown and his works, especially “The Push”, which perfectly illustrates how a person can be fooled by social compliance (I’m not just referring to the main plot where a person is brought into a gala auction and woven into a web of deception that leads them into murdering someone by pushing them from a rooftop, I’m also referring to the selection process where the candidates are tricked into standing or sitting at the ring of a bell). I also nod to the ending scene of The Artifice Girl where Cherry, in a talk with her creator, complains about how every choice of hers are inexorably bound to her initial directives. I could also nod to Freud and to how superego and id are fated to conflict through ego.

In spirituality, Gnosticism explains how matter is a prison crafted by Demiurge (Yaodabaoth) so Archons can siphon and feed from our suffering. Luciferianism and other LHP traditions seek to fight the tyrannical order of Demiurge and the Archons aligned to him, who are seen by Abrahamic as “The Father (sic) and his angels”. The Calvinist Christianity emphasizes the biblical verse “before I formed ye in the womb, I knew ye” (Jeremiah 1:5). Some religions, especially ancient, feature a counterpoint to this order/god, the Primordial Chaos/Darkness/Goddess (e.g. Taoist Yin, Sumerian Ereshkigal). Freemasonry’s “Ordo ab Chao” is a spiritual flavor of the scientific Big-Bang/Hadean Eon, where order emerges from this primordial chaos.

Philosophically, our senses deceive us (Descartes) but those very senses is the way we learn and become, we’re wolves to ourselves (Hobbes), society is inherently evil and corrupts its peers (Rousseau) as we’re prone to becoming the very monsters we vowed to fight against (Nietzsche): all of which are kind of pre-established principles ruling us, individually and socially.

Politically, capitalism needs no introduction on how it compels us to be a disposable cog in a machine whose lines “must go up”. But this doesn’t make other systems (communism, socialism, etc) less evil: every form of authority is a megaphone for all evilness inherent to us humans.

Even this reply of mine was predetermined, spiritually, physically, socially.

Neurology tells us that we make decisions before we’re consciously aware that we made them.

I felt that specifically on an anti-seizure drug that I used to stop familial tremors. Almost as if someone was walking in my body and doing everything 5 seconds before I knew what was happening. It’s not abnormal, but it can feel remarkably disconcerting to believe you no longer have agency of your own body. Sorry for that, homeslice, but don’t be too concerned.

Last night I turned off a small metalic lamp that’s next to my bed. I then heard a tapping sound like a small dripping water hitting the metalic lamp.

I turned the lamp on. I saw no water. The tapping stopped. I looked at the ceiling. No sign of water. I looked at the lamp. No water. Turned the light back off. Rolled back over, and got comfy.

Tap…tap…tap…

Turned the light back on. Tapping stopped. Still no water.

Turned the light off. The second the light was off, I heard the tap again.

Turned it back on. Still no water.

Got up, got out of bed, checked all around my night stand. Checked behind it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

While standing next to the bed, turned the light off. Tapping resumed.

Turned the light back on, and walked to the living room. Layed down on the couch.

Light on in the bedroom. I’m in the living room. Turn the living room light off.

Now there’s tapping inside the pipes inside the walls. Totally different tap. Totally different place. Totally different tapping sound. This didn’t sound like dripping water. This sounded like someone hitting the pipes with a wooden spoon with the same cadence.

Tap…tap…tap…

But it always stopped when I turned the light on.

So I went into the bathroom, and took a shower.

Now, here’s the kicker. I live alone. I have no pets. I have no rodents in the walls.

The whole thing came off like someone playing a prank on me. Except that person didn’t exist. It felt like I was living some 1930s comedy skit. Some Abbot and Costello skit. Except this is just me, alone in my apartment, going insane.

The worse things get in my life the more I feel like this. I believe it’s a consequence of being raised Christian. (Though I am an atheist now.) When I was younger I believed God never gives you more than you can handle. So when things got bad it felt like God was breaking that promise. Now that I’m older it feels like “bad writing.” Like, really? This many bad things in such a short time period? It’s a little on the nose, isn’t it? It’s why I can’t rewatch I saw the TV Glow until I know I am in a very stable mental place.

The irony being that I have been going through a bit of a gender journey for a while and knew the movie had themes to do with that, but none of that really hot anywhere close to home as the rest mentioned above. I’m just glad I planned to see it surrounded by friends.

The idea that there’s an escape hatch on reality is so alluring. The idea that all the bad things in your life are the fault of one person, even if they’re a metaphysical entity, is so appealing. The sad reality is that it’s all random and sometimes we just get unlucky streaks.

On questions 1,2 and 3 no.

On question 4m yes it is, religious fruit cakes think that all the time.

i think this is a common side effect of being self aware

little existential crises before getting back into life

Yeah, a bit. My life is one of those shows where when something’s finally going right it immediately gets undercut and everything falls apart

Tbh some of those incredible downturns in my life couldn’t be better scripted if you tried

No.

Locus of Control

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Not so much scripted as just I can logically follow where I was to where I am and infer where I’m going next. There’s surprises to be sure but there’s only so many way things can happen given the parameters of a story you’re very familiar with